Okay, so I was thinking about this the other day...

I've noticed something that happens over time for people with specific beliefs. I think that if you've had, over your lifetime, a lot of people arguing with you or just being right out rude to you about something eventually you sort of build up this defense and you stop ignoring comments and you get very sensitive about anyone who says anything at all about your beliefs.

For example, christians.

In this day and age it's common for people with different beliefs to get into it over the internet. Christianity is becoming more and more confrontational because more and more people are confronting it themselves.

I think christians, and a lot of other religious people, are adopting a sort of 'persecuted' attitude and they're becoming very snappy.

I just wonder, have you ever been this way about anything or do you know anyone that gets particularly defensive about their beliefs?

Seriously.

There's nothing better than having a good wank(I don't know of a female term...oh wait, we decided on fiddling). I mean, when I come home from work or whatever stupid thing I was doing all day I just want to relax.

Annnnnd. I prefer erotic stories over porn, so I basically don't have to pay to get aroused. Ha, video blows, suckahs!

So imagine coming home, there's no one to talk to and you have nothing to do. I love to get into my Hello Kitty polyester robe made bigger for fattys, light some candles, lay down and let my own imagination take me away.

Of course, orgasms can't last forever.

Some people come home to a joint or some booze, well while those are both good relaxation techniques, my vagina is all about me. And I can usually fall asleep right after, or just lay there contentedly watching the telly.

None of the above can ever permanently make me happy, but what's wrong with having a little something to look foreward to? Sometimes it's not a fancy, classy wank either. It's one of those slutty chick wanks, where I'm on my knees and it doesn't matter that I can't see my own ass I just like to know it's sticking out.

TMI, sorry.

Anyways, do you like to have it off by yourself? What's your method(without getting too detailed)? Are you embarrassed that you masturbate?

Last night I got drunk to celebrate the fact that my fiance is awake, and also to drown out the pain just a little. Well somewhere in this drunken night I got bored and called everyone. I ended up talking to my friend's parents, her stepdad being a man who's raped me before. He would never do anything with her around and he offered me a ride home. I was tired and thought it might be good to go home and sleep. I expected her to be in the car.

Well she wasn't.

Of course he planned it all out.

I got in the car and closed my eyes for a bit, I thought maybe he would just take me home if I pretended to be sleeping, but instead he took me to the restaurant he works at and gave me some more alcohol.

I took a sip and gave him back the cup and from there on I don't really remember much except that I was on the floor trying to get away from him and I cried a lot. He kept telling me it was okay, but I don't know what he thought I was crying about. Obviously I wanted him to stop because I kept pushing him.

He hurt me a lot, I can feel it.

I feel tainted again.

The next thing I remember is sitting on my porch smoking my last cigarette and drunk dialing my fiances mom because I didn't know who else to tell. Instead of telling her about the incident I just asked her about my fiance and, as it turns out, she thought we were still broken up. My fiance doesn't confide much in them, so my fiances parents don't even know we're engaged and are supposed to be married soon.

And then, even worse still, his ex girlfriend has been down at the hospital everyday.

Some stupid bitch that he doesn't even like is there for him when I can't be.

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I seriously considered killing myself. Mind you I was in a drunken, depressed stupor.

When I tried to call someone, anyone, to talk to, no one answered.

Now...that's just bad luck.